…And We’re Back
I’ve been putting off writing this post. I’ve been putting it off because I wasn’t sure what I wanted to say. I’m still not. But now the day has arrived and if I don’t say something today, it will have come and gone without my saying anything.
I went back to work today.
After exactly seven months as a work-at-home writer, I am once again a go-to-work lawyer.
Yesterday, I sat cross-legged on my couch in tattered jeans and my favorite t-shirt, nursing an increasingly squirmy little girl while balancing a laptop on my knee. Today, I am sitting at an actual desk, wearing clothes that are refreshingly (and yet, heartbreakingly) free from drool, poop and vomit. I am wearing heels. I smell nice. I smell like me. In the past eight hours, I have used a myriad of multisyllabic words to people who have used them back.
I miss my baby.
I miss her less than I thought I would. I miss her in ways I didn’t expect.
This wasn’t part of the plan. Detours never are.
A @ Keep Calm and Have a Cupcake
Wednesday, 25 August, 2010 at 9:56Lauren- I feel for you! Been there, doing that. Every day. Lawyer, writer, mom of a one year old. Every day is about finding a good balance for that day. I know you’ll find peace with it, in some way. We’re all doing the best we can, right? Love your blog.
Rachel Cotterill
Friday, 20 August, 2010 at 10:22That’s quite the milestone. I hope you’re enjoying the change.
kim
Thursday, 19 August, 2010 at 9:26Wait… you can’t go back to work yet! We haven’t had enough play dates!
Just kidding…I’m proud of you for being able to juggle so many balls so beautifully.
Sorry we didn’t get to see ya’ll last night. Hope we can have a raindate soon.
Let me know if I can help with Lil during the transition.
Love to you all…
Amy
Wednesday, 18 August, 2010 at 12:38Awww, best of luck to you with the transition. It’s just another example of embracing the detour, and great things will come of it, I am sure. 🙂
Lindsey
Wednesday, 18 August, 2010 at 10:58Sending you lots of love. xo
Eva @ Eva Evolving
Tuesday, 17 August, 2010 at 11:12I hope this transition goes better than expected for you, Lauren. And I hope we still get to hear from you fairly often!
Don’t think about what you’re leaving behind. Think about what a gift it’s been to have had these 7 months with your little girl!
Daneen
Tuesday, 17 August, 2010 at 10:17Oh Lauren–thanks for your continuing honesty on this journey. I just told a friend how badly I wish we had decent maternity/early family leave in this country. A Swedish friend just returned to her job, but she didn’t have to go back until her baby was 17 months old (and apparently she hadn’t actually tapped all of the money she could have). And now she has great, subsidized childcare that isn’t breaking her bank or her heart.
I left Lily with my sister last week while we had several shoots/appts for our film (I spent one night away and came home the other nights), and although I missed her, 19-months is an entirely different world. She was having an absolute blast with her auntie, and I’m not sure she minded me being gone all that much! I wish “family values” in our political landscape would start to mean more focused on women and men being able to have the best start with their families.
Sending you good wishes in this new chapter. I know it won’t be easy, but remember that somehow working women today (I use that term loosely–I’ve never worked so hard as when at home with a baby) still spend more time with their children than parents in the 50s. You’ll actually get a chance to miss your family (sometimes that’s all I want–a chance to miss them!).
But I’m sure you’re going to have even less time for yourself, and that’s going to be the ongoing challenge–time to fill your own well.
I look forward to your continuing reflections as you figure out your new normal!
Rachel@MWF Seeking BFF
Tuesday, 17 August, 2010 at 9:43I love your honesty and your ability to put it all out there for your readers. Can’t wait to follow along with you on this next leg of your journey…
Michaela
Tuesday, 17 August, 2010 at 8:51Lauren,
Thinking of you as you go back to work. I was only able to stay home for three months with my son, now 8 months, before returning to my dental practice.
This is my first comment on here, but you and your blog were such a big part of my three months at home I just felt the need to give you words of encouragement. I hope you have a smooth transition back into the workplace and find peace with your new detour!! And thank you for all your blogs…..they truely have helped me embrace my detour as well..
Rudri
Tuesday, 17 August, 2010 at 8:09Lauren,
I know this is a hard detour to take and I’ve contemplated returning to the legal world myself. Know that I am thinking about you and sending you hugs.
xoxo
Syd
Monday, 16 August, 2010 at 21:36I wish you the best in this new chapter! …do you have a nanny or daycare? Transitions are always a mixed bag of emotions…keep bloggin’ about it…
Katherine Wolf
Monday, 16 August, 2010 at 21:32I am so proud of you! You are truly showing us what embracing a detour is all about. XOXO-K
Myra
Monday, 16 August, 2010 at 21:30I wish I could tell you it gets easier…but I can’t lie….it doesn’t. In fact, it gets harder…BUT…you treasure the moments you have with her more than you did before. Even the temper tantrums don’t seem as bad….you are just grateful to be in her presence.
Ginger
Monday, 16 August, 2010 at 21:29I’m sorry? Congratulations? Both of them fit, depending on the moment–neither one’s easy.
I won’t say it gets better, but it gets…more normal. Whatever that is.