Detour Ahead (Day #61)
I’m not gonna finish on time I’m not gonna finish on time
It started around Day #31, when I’d been stalled on Chapter Four for seventeen days. I was behind, so far behind, and I was afraid I wouldn’t catch up.
I tried to ignore the voice. It was my voice, after all. The voice of doubt, of almost-panic, of fear. Because really, what did I know? It wasn’t impossible that I wouldn’t finish. It was just becoming increasingly unlikely. And what good would doubt and almost-panic and fear do? Did I become more productive once the I-can’t-do-this mantra kicked in? Not in the least.
So I trudged on. Keep writing. Tried not to think about the fact that my clever little Game Plan was like Lil Mil’s sleep schedule. A joke. A great idea in theory. No basis in reality.
Around Day #46, the voice got quiet for a few days. I was making good progress and had realized that the early chapters of my book would always be the hardest to write because that’s where I deal with the “rules” (PARALLEL is the story of a girl whose life starts changing when a parallel version of her begins rewriting her past. It strikes me that perhaps I should’ve picked an easier story for this project of mine). Now that I was past Chapter Five, I was feeling better about my prospects of finishing on time (never mind the fact that I was only 1/3 through my fifteen chapter outline).
And then, Day #51 arrived. The day that turned into a week. As I read those stories – your stories – I heard another voice. A different one.
There’s a detour ahead.
I hear from this voice sometimes. Less than I would like, but that’s only because I rarely slow down to listen.
There’s a detour ahead.
As is always the case with this particular voice, this Voice with a capital V, the words came with a certainty of their truth.
There is a detour ahead.
I feel it coming. Right around the bend. This, quite frankly, is more than a little disconcerting. Expecting the unexpected is like waiting for the monster at a haunted house. You know he’s there, waiting until the moment when you’ll least expect him. Waiting to catch you off guard.
And he usually does.
So, here I am, still trudging along, still trying to finish this book when I said I would, still doing my best to embrace this detour. And yet, I have a feeling my plans are about to be thwarted. That something is about to come up. That things are about to change. That something will happen, and life will be different. Maybe not dramatically, but perceptibly.
I’ve been carrying this notion around for the last seven days, toying with it, letting its truth sink in. Trying to accept the possibility of change without overthinking it. Trying to expect the unexpected without micromanaging its arrival.
By yesterday, Day #57, I’d succeeded. In fact, I’d thought about this potential new detour so little that I’d nearly forgotten to expect it at all. Husband and I were on our way to lunch. We parked at an open meter right across the street from the restaurant. I got out, then opened the backseat door to retrieve Lil Mil. As I was stepping off the curb to get closer to her, I glanced down. The picture above is what I saw.
Detour ahead.
Written on a random curve. No road work nearby. No detours in sight.
There’s that Voice again.
There’s a detour ahead.
+ + + +
(Do you feel like there’s a detour ahead in your life? Is ‘expecting the unexpected’ an oxymoron? How do you prepare for potential detours? When was the last time you heard the Voice with a capital V? )
Amy
Thursday, 1 April, 2010 at 13:06Oh, and I love your novel description! Can’t wait til it’s finished and published! 😉
Amy
Thursday, 1 April, 2010 at 13:04I had the same feeling just this morning. I could toss up a handful of guesses, but all or none of them could be right. I just had what felt like a “detour” sucker punch to the gut this morning to the news that my dad and youngest brother are moving back to Alabama (from Georgia) after my brother graduates from high school next month.
I don’t know why that set off the gut feeling, but I’ve learned that when that feeling comes, it’s time to keep my eyes open and brace for the detour.
katie
Monday, 29 March, 2010 at 22:37I really like this post. I always try to micromanage the unexpected too. It’s not easy to do. Maybe it’s because the unexpected is so hard to see coming. It’s unforeseen, with a capital U.
I’ve been reading your blog for a while now, and I find it really inspiring. I hear voices too. It’s not as strange as people think.
“There’s a detour ahead. There’s a detour ahead.” I sometimes repeat sentences over and over in my head too. “If I can just survive today. If I can just survive today.” That is my new mantra after having a child completely derailed my professional goals.
I keep hoping that it gets better. Thanks for your blog! It is really helping me cope with all of this right now.
laurenmmiller
Tuesday, 30 March, 2010 at 13:05Unexpected and unforeseen. The double whammy. Even when we know something’s coming, the WHAT usually smacks us in the face. Your comment makes me consider the possibility of adopting a daily mantra. As a new spin on my whole “act as if” policy. Make the mantra happen. I like this. Hmm.
Kelli
Monday, 29 March, 2010 at 16:30Listen to the voice. Don’t run from it. EMBRACE it (in whatever form it takes)!!!!
Nicole Larsen
Monday, 29 March, 2010 at 12:53How incredible! Kudos to you for a) being aware of the voice, b) being open and noticing the writing, c) having a good camera handy. 🙂
erika
Monday, 29 March, 2010 at 12:48crazy!!!! you should have written “embrace it!” right next to it.