Even Worse Are The Ones You Can’t See (Day #73)
I’ve scarred my child.
(I think)
I keep telling myself it was bound to happen, even though I don’t really believe that. You hear horror stories about moms who clip off the tips of their babies’ fingers while trying to cut their little tiny baby nails.
I am one of those moms.
Oddly, I wasn’t all that worried that I might become one of these moms. I say “oddly” because I generally obsess about all manner of mothering possibilities. Will I be a mom who raises a fearful child, or an impolite one? Will my child be the one other parents whisper about, the one they won’t let their children play with? Will I put too much pressure on my child? Not enough? Will I make her neurotic? Will I give her an eating disorder?
Will I cut off the tip of my child’s finger? was never really a big concern, largely because I didn’t really believe it was a risk. How would a baby’s fingertip get into the little space between the clippers in the first place? Nail clippers are designed to hold the finger back. You’d have to be real idiot not to notice that your child’s finger was in the chomp zone.
Hi. I’m an idiot.
So here I am, telling myself it was inevitable, that it happens to the best of moms, that it’s no big deal. But I’m lying to myself. I could’ve waited until Lil Mil was sleeping or nursing to attempt a baby manicure. I could’ve used those clippers with the little magnifying glass attached. I could’ve done a lot of things, but instead, I whipped out my regular adult-sized nail clippers and went to work while Lil Mil was thrashing around on her changing table. And on nail 10 of 10, I clipped off a chunk of her skin.
Just like that.
Okay, so in defense of my parenting, I did manage to cut 9 of her 10 nails without a hitch. That should be worth something, right?
The woman who once believed that only idiots could botch a task as simple as nail clipping now wants props for only scarring one of her child’s appendages.
The good news is, it didn’t bleed much. And it apparently didn’t hurt that much, because I didn’t even realize it had happened until an hour later (don’t worry, they’re still accepting nominations for Mommy of the Year). But from the looks of it, I think she might end up with a scar.
This, her very first scar, probably won’t be her last (although I’m hoping it’s the only one she’ll get from her idiot mommy). If she turns out to be as athletic as her daddy (or as clumsy as her idiot mommy), she’ll probably end up with all manner of scrapes and cuts, some of which will probably scar. I hope she’ll wear these scars proudly. The scars of a life well-lived.
These scars don’t scare me.
The ones I’m worried about are the ones I won’t be able to see. The ones on the inside. The scars on her psyche.
I’d like to believe that Lil Mil could reach adulthood unscathed. I’d like to believe this, but I don’t know anyone who has. I certainly didn’t. Even though I had perfect parents (I did. I really did.), I still ended up with hurts they couldn’t heal. Hurts they didn’t even know I had.
As I sit here staring at the tip of Lil Mil’s tiny little ring finger, at that tiny little chunk of missing flesh, I am aware of how powerless I am to protect her. Yes, this particular scar was avoidable. But some won’t be. Someone will hurt her feelings. Someone will crush her dreams. Someone will break her heart.
And I won’t be able to fix it. I won’t be able to just dab some Neosporin on it and cover it with a bandaid. In fact, I probably won’t even be the person she comes to. Odds are, she’ll have wounds and scars I’ll never even know about.
This, I think, must be the hardest thing about motherhood. To know that, with each day, life is only going to get harder for this precious little person you love so much and want so badly to protect.
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How do we protect our children from wounds inflicted by mean girls and even meaner boys? Are some scars unavoidable? Have you ever cut your child’s finger while clipping his/her nails?
Sarah Dobson
Thursday, 15 April, 2010 at 20:18I toooooootally clipped her 10th finger. What happened? Did we get too cocky by the end?
laurenmmiller
Friday, 16 April, 2010 at 10:57We totally did. I got super cocky and was trying to prove to Husband that I was a skilled nail-cutter.
Ooops.
Christine LaRocque
Wednesday, 14 April, 2010 at 8:43I did it too, clipped the top of their fingers. But get this, I did it twice! I didn’t even learn from mistakes and injured both my babies. I’m going with it being a rite of passage and all that.
But I’m scared like you are, for the things that will plague my children, make them feel any sort of pain (emotional or physical). I have boys, so perhaps I really should focus on the physical. But I think that is what makes us human, allowing our children to feel freely and comfortably will be what helps her to cope and be true to herself. We can’t feel everything for them, or take it all away, because that wouldn’t be living. Doesn’t mean I won’t try though!
Nicole Robinson
Wednesday, 14 April, 2010 at 7:52My little one was sick a few months ago with a very nasty virus. After 2 days of throwing up at home from a scary high fever and 3 days of IVs and shots in the hospital, she had horrible nightmares for weeks. The day we come home from the hospital she told me she didn’t want to take a nap because it hurt when she closed her eyes. It broke my heart in ways I can’t explain, but over time she improved both physically and emotionally. The nightmares went away and she was back to her usual fun perky self until a little boy at her daycare threw up a few weeks ago. Ever since, she has begun talking about the hospital and throwing up again. This morning on the way to school she told me, “I not want to go to the hospital. I not want to throw up on Mommy.” (agreed!) I am amazed at the memory of my 2-year-old. It will be 2 months tomorrow since she fell ill and she still remembers the details of that scary time. Yes, our children will have scars. Yes, being a parent is hard. All we can do is tell them how much we love them and hold on for the ride. Hey, don’t feel bad about the fingernails. I don’t know anyone who hasn’t done it once. A friend of mine turned her back for one single second while her child was in the car seat on the countertop. The child squirmed, the seat fell off the counter onto the baby breaking her arm. My friend was horrified, already claiming her prize as the world’s worst mom, but the reality is that her horror proved just the opposite. It’s not possible for us to be perfect moms, but as long as we love them, that will make all the difference in the world.
Cindy
Tuesday, 13 April, 2010 at 16:43And, so the parenting dilemma begins. How to protect our children from all sorts of hurts, both inside and out. As much as we try we aren’t always successful. We can just do what we can do and hope for the best. Sometimes we don’t even know about the inside pains but we have to let it go. So, my advice…don’t clip Lil Mil’s nails!
Eva @ Eva Evolving
Tuesday, 13 April, 2010 at 13:53Forgive yourself, Lauren. Kids are incredibly resilient (or so I’ve heard). And the human body is pretty incredible too – it will heal in no time.
I have two barely visible scars on my left cheek where my mom scratched me with her long nails when I was a baby. She said from that day on she kept her nails very short. You only have to make mistakes like this once!
Heather
Tuesday, 13 April, 2010 at 13:07Don’t worry, it won’t scar. At least, my daughter’s didn’t, and my son’s didn’t, oh no, I am seeing a pattern here…
Seriously, you are not an idiot. It happens to babies all the time. It is a far more difficult task than one would expect.
erika
Tuesday, 13 April, 2010 at 12:25well, i nicked paprika’s finger when she was a few weeks old, and that was the last time i ever clipped anyone’s fingernails- that’s daddy’s job now!!!
yea, i spent the first few years of paprika’s life worried i would emotionally scar her for life with this or that- but now i just figure you’ve gotta do your best and i hope she forgives me and wants to keep a relationship with me through the good times and the bad times…
Melissa
Tuesday, 13 April, 2010 at 12:09I leave clipping to the nanny. What I don’t know won’t hurt me (and hopefully her!). Is that terrible???
Mom2Ky
Tuesday, 13 April, 2010 at 11:40I have done it too! Even to my 7 year old! 🙂 Like you said, I am more scared of the scars that cannot be seen. My daughter is in 1st grade, and you wouldn’t believe how MEAN the GIRLS can be at this age…geez, I was hoping that wouldn’t start until Jr. High! I figure that as long as she knows that I think she is beautiful, fun, and of great worth, hopefully the mean things the girls say to her won’t stick, but slide right off her back! Parenthood is difficult, but SOOO worth it! The other day she told me I was the best mommy in the whole wide world! 🙂
Erin I'm Gonna Kill Him
Tuesday, 13 April, 2010 at 10:46Oh, your poor 9 fingered baby. Forget Harvard now. Ha ha. I highly recommend biting your child’s nails. It is more precise because our mothering instinct allows us to sense when we’re too close to the quick. It feels a little primate, but it works.
Nicole Larsen
Tuesday, 13 April, 2010 at 10:42As a parent I most certainly understand the quandry. For what little this is worth (very little, but some), I often recall the times I was hurt, and those were also the times I learned and grew the most. I have been in an abusive relationship, but I learned my self-worth and how to stand up for myself or make difficult decisions. I have lost a sibling and learned faith in my mourning. I’ve felt completely poor and hopeless, and learned consequences, how to accept help, and turning control over to God. I am who I am (and I like this version) because of those difficult times.
Pain is inevitable, we can only teach our children how to learn from the pain and become better because of it.
Wendie
Tuesday, 13 April, 2010 at 10:35I was scared to clip my babies nails, so I file them instead. I’ve just begun to try to clip her toes, but still file her nails and she will be 7months this Friday.
Rebecca @ Diary of a Virgin Novelist
Tuesday, 13 April, 2010 at 10:27I am not a mother yet, but Amen, that is exactly what I worry about. As I always say to my husband, we will not make the same mistakes our parents made with us…we will just make entirely different mistakes.
Trece
Tuesday, 13 April, 2010 at 10:26((((((hugs))))) I’m sorry that you feel so bad; that’s why I always bit my babies nails off. Honest! My grandma and MIL said that’s what they did till the babes were big enough for nail clippers. Now, before you go saying eww, gross, this was 27 years ago. . .
devon
Tuesday, 13 April, 2010 at 10:06i dont know…but i’m scared to death of MEAN boys and even meaner girls!! lots of prayer, i guess….
and yes, i’ve clipped my girls skin…ouch! you are so not alone on this one….i try to do it when she’s sleeping but you know, that doesnt work all the time!