Everything In Its Proper Place (Day #24)

I need to get organized.  Not my desk or my closet (okay, definitely my desk and my closet, but they can wait).  My brain.

I’m cluttered.  Crowded.  Overstuffed.

Am I trying to do too much?  Are the four Bs simply more than I can juggle?  Is my brain on overload because I’ve tried to jam too much into it?  Have I maxed out my mental capacity?

These are rhetorical questions.  Don’t answer them.  Unless, of course, you are planning to answer them with a resounding NO!!!!  In which case, go right ahead.  Resound away.

I don’t believe I’m trying to do too much.  I do think, however, that I might be trying to do too much at once.  And when I say “at once,” I don’t mean at this particular juncture in my life.  I mean, quite literally, at the exact same moment in time.

Case in point:  Yesterday.  I decided on Monday to start posting in the morning instead of at night.  This was a strategic move.  I realized that it was harder for me to be thoughtful and reflective (and, most important, clever!) at the end of each day, which meant that my blog posts were taking much longer than they should have.  I thus decided to tackle blog in the mornings and give book the rest of my day.

So, yesterday.  I’d posted late Monday night so there was no reason to post again on Tuesday morning.  I’d wait until Wednesday morning and go daily from there.

With nothing but baby competing for my time (don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten boy again.  He was at work), I should have had an exceptionally productive day.  No bloggy blogness bogging me down.

So there I was, laptop on my lap, stroller next to me, parked at Panera Bread.  I’d eaten.  Lil Mil had eaten.  I was sufficiently caffeinated.  I had my novel open on the screen in front of me.  I was ready to work.  To focus.  To make some much-needed progress.

And yet.

My mind was otherwise engaged.  I was thinking about today’s blog post.

Not okay.

As I’ve said over and over and over again, time is scarce in Life with a Newborn.  Astoundingly scarce.  Days zoom and zip by, faster than they ever have before.  There is so little time.  There are days when there is no time at all.

But multitasking is not the answer here.  It’s not the answer because neither blog nor book nor baby deserves less than 100%.  There are days when baby requires the bulk of my time.  Days when I only get an hour or two to myself.  If I spend those hours trying to work on my book while brainstorming blog topics, neither book nor blog will get the good stuff.  Those precious few hours will pass and I’ll have very little (if anything) to show for it.

Not okay.

Give to book what is book’s, give to blog what is blog’s, give to baby what is baby’s, and give to boy what is boy’s.  Simple as that, right?

Except it’s not simple at all.  Giving 100% of yourself to the task at hand — whatever that task might be — is hard work.  It takes discipline.  Determination.  An iron will.

I would like to believe I have these things in my arsenal.  And so, today, I will try to focus on one thing at a time.  When baby needs me, I will give all of myself to baby.  I will not try to snuggle her while typing with one hand.  When baby is sleeping, I will give all of myself to book.  I will not stress about tomorrow’s blog post.  I will not stress about the typos that you’ll inevitably find in today’s blog post.  And when husband comes home from work tonight, I will give all of myself to him (or, at least, the parts of myself that are permissible to give 4 weeks after giving birth).

And there she is.  Awake again.  Baby needs me.  Switching to baby mode.

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