I’m Back.

I’ve been gone for awhile.  Too long.

Has it really been more than two months since my last post?  Apparently so.  The date stamp don’t lie.

What have I been doing with myself?  Working.  And…

Nope.  Just working.

I’m not gonna lie.  I do not wear a wild and happy grin most of the time.  I wear it sometimes — like weekend mornings and the exceedingly rare weekday evenings when I manage to get home from work before Lil Mil goes to bed — but the rest of the time I wear the glazed half-smile (and by “half” I mean “totally fake”) of a person who is going through the motions.  A person who spends the bulk of her day sitting bleary-eyed in front of a computer screen (a PC!  Ick!), staring at a contract that needs drafting or an email that needs crafting, wondering what the amazing creature she used to spend every second with is doing.  Without her. 

Don’t get me wrong – I am happy.  Wildly happy, in fact.  My daughter is a giggly ball of curiousity who laughs more than she cries.  My husband is an even better version of the completely awesome man I married 5 years ago next week.  I’m working on a TV project that I’m exceptionally excited about.  I’m shopping a novel I’m genuinely proud of.  

The problem isn’t that I don’t like where I am or what I’m doing.  The problem is that I don’t have the time or mental space to notice where I am or what I’m doing.  I’m always either wholly occupied by work or wholly occupied by the desire to be somewhere other than work.  And when I’m not at work, I’m working my way through my laughably long to-do list.  I’ve given into the momentum of my life, letting it push me along.  I’ve started drifting through my days, letting each day bleed into the next, not keeping track or taking note of milestones big or small. 

No more.

Starting today, I’m back.  Back to blogging, yes, but more than that, back to noticing.  To reflecting.  To relishing.  To cherishing.

To living.

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