More and Less (Day #74)

I think more since becoming a mom.

Also less.

I spend more time in thought, for sure, and more time noticing things to think about. I don’t know if this is how I process motherhood or how I come up with blog topics, but either way, I feel like my days are more thought-filled than before.

But my thoughts? They’re less varied than they used to be. I spend less time thinking about great books and great art and great films. In fact, I’ve spend virtually no time thinking about these things since becoming a mom, probably because I haven’t read/seen/watched any. I’ve been too busy booking and blogging and babying. And thinking about booking and blogging and babying.

This bothers me. A lot.

And yet. Am I willing to devote less time to book or blog or baby so that I might have the time to read and see and watch?

No.

And so I sit here, fingers poised over my keyboard, not sure where this post goes from here. Because I have no solution. I want to be a person who cares enough about Great Things to make time for them, but the truth is, I’m not. I used to be. I used to be a person who believed that the living of life occurred in the reading and the seeing and the watching.

Somewhere between then and now, that person became someone who only has time for Small Things. And not all small things – just a few, specific ones:

My tiny daughter. My tall man. My family. My friends. My unfinished novel. My deeply satisfying blog.

My world has shrunk.

It has also expanded.

[Ten minutes pass]

A thought: maybe the living of life does occur in the reading and the seeing and the watching. But maybe it doesn’t matter so much what we’re reading and seeing and watching. Maybe blog posts and baby grins and episodes of LOST are just as good as Tolstoy and Manet and Hitchcock.

Yeah. Nice Try.

[Ten more minutes pass]

I give up.

+ + + +

(How much time do you spend thinking about Great Things? What was the last Great Book you read? Has your present detour caused your world to shrink or expand? Do you spend more or less time thinking than you used to? Are you satisfied with the depth/frequency/variety of your thoughts? What do you do to cultivate deep thinking? Is deep thinking overrated? Am I overthinking deep thinking?)

And so

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