Pressing Start (Day #1)
And so it began. I woke up today, poured my coffee, fed my baby, and wrote, changed a diaper, and wrote, calmed my baby, re-heated my coffee, and wrote.
It felt good. Really good.
And then Lil Mil started crying. And then there were errands to run, and a house to clean, and dinner to make. A little girl to smother with kisses.
I didn’t accomplish as much as I wanted to. For the book, I mean. I wrote for two hours. I stuck to my plan. Followed my rules. But I didn’t accomplish as much as I wanted to.
And yet.
I started. I began. I set off on this journey, which means I’m now on my way.
For today, that’s enough.
Normally, it wouldn’t be. Normally, I’m only satisfied when I exceed my expectations. But this morning, as I was gearing up for my big Day One, someone wiser (and infinitely more eloquent) than I am reminded me that I can’t force this. “Birthing a book, like birthing a baby, is a messy and magical endeavor,” she said. She would know, having birthed both. Two happy and healthy and absolutely adorable little girls and one soon-to-be-released (by HarperCollins/Avon no less!) novel.
A messy and magical endeavor.
I want to experience the magic. Relish the mess. I don’t want my expectations or my schedule or my game plan to smother the passion behind this project. I’m doing this because there’s a story I want to tell. A particular story that presently resides somewhere between my imagination and the page. A messy and magical story about fate and faith and the defining power of our choices. A story that’s worth the toil of its telling.
And so.
Today was enough for today.
Kristen @ Motherese
Tuesday, 26 January, 2010 at 12:01Lauren, another lovely post. I applaud you for looking for the magic while keeping your eye on your goals. I think it is a great temptation to press pause on your Self while trying to be the perfect mother. I believe you have enough passion to sustain both of your babies – and, in nurturing both Lil Mil and your book, you will be sustaining yourself as well. (Oh, and sleep helps too every once in awhile.)
kim arnold
Tuesday, 26 January, 2010 at 7:02Lauren,
I am so proud of you!
Remember…after Saturday, I’ll be just a block away, ensconced in my Granny Shack. And James and I will be dying to play babies! (And poke her eyes out, pick her up by the head, etc….) Just kidding, but these are all things Katherine did to Amie. (23 months apart.)
Seriously, I would love to help you anyway I can once we get settled.
You are an inspiration!
Advice from the elderly: You can’t DO IT ALL, but you can do more than you think you can.
Can’t wait to see you and meet Lil Mil!
Love, Kim
p.s. In your spare time, you can use your new expertise to polish up that blog of mine…you started it, after all!