Study Buddy (Day #75)
I had a rendezvous this morning. With a woman.
And it was awesome.
(Note: this post gets much less titillating from here.)
This morning’s rendezvous was an ultra-productive study date with my new study buddy, Rebecca. Fellow novelist, fellow blogger, new friend. Rebecca and I have discovered that we’re basically the same person, only she lives in NY, has no children, and is writing a book for adults not tweens.
Last week, Rebecca wrote about her Starbucks study date with her brother-in-law. Reading about her productive Saturday morning, I was jealous. I have no trouble getting up at the crack of dawn and writing on Saturday mornings, but it gets kind of lonely. Sure, Lil Mil’s my perma-wingman, but sometimes I find myself longing for an adult-sized companion. Someone with the language skills necessary to carry on a two-way conversation, should the inclination to conversate (not a word but should be a word) arise.
Yes, I have Husband. But Husband is rarely with me on Saturday mornings, because on Saturday mornings Husband plays basketball.
Yes, I have friends. But most of these friends have husbands who don’t play basketball on Saturday mornings and children with actual nap times. These friends are not study buddy material.
So Lil Mil and I fly solo on Saturday mornings. And most other mornings, too.
But not this morning.
This morning, at 10 a.m. (sharp!), Rebecca and I “met” at Starbucks. That is to say, we both went to our respective Starbucks and logged on to Google talk. We both arrived promptly at 10. She had showered, I had not (that was probably TMI, but it felt relevant). Lil Mil was sleeping soundly Chez Bjorn. Everything was a go. We chatted for a bit (as the best study buddies do), and then we got to work. An hour and a half later, we checked back in with each other. And guess what? We had both been productive. She confessed to some Facebooking and I admitted to a tweet or two, but for the most part, we’d done what we came there to do: write.
Like I said: awesome.
But the productivity wasn’t the best part. The best part happened before and after the productivity. When we asked each other about our respective novels (before). When we talked about the stress (financial, emotional, mental) embedded in our writerly pursuits (after). I felt … understood. Noticed. Known.
Connected.
To this particular women I’ve never met but feel like I know. To all the women who are struggling and juggling.
We are in this together. We don’t have to do this alone.
+ + + +
(Do you have regular study buddy? Do you find that you’re more productive when someone is watching you work? Do you feel lonely in the midst of your creative endeavors? Does having a baby by your side or on your hip make you feel more or less lonely? Do you want to have a virtual study date with me???)
Did I mention it was awesome?
Abbyfrazer@yahoo.com
Monday, 19 April, 2010 at 17:38Hi, Lauren
Just checking in on you and haven’t commented in a while. It has been encouraging to watch your project progress and watch your time table change just a little bit, all at the same time. I guess that is what embracing really is- being open to where something new leads you. In your case, being open to both Lil Mil and your book.
I hope you are doing well. You new picture is adorable.
Abby
Nicole Larsen
Monday, 19 April, 2010 at 9:114. How come my avatar doesn’t show on your site? Are you hosted by WordPress or someone else? You have several Nicole-named followers and I just want to be unique. 😉
Nicole Larsen
Monday, 19 April, 2010 at 9:091. Been meaning to say – LOVE the new pic on the Blog! So cute. 🙂
2. I need a CLEANING buddy. This usually works best in person, even if the buddy just talks while I clean. I can’t seem to make myself do it when I’m alone (not inc baby, of course).
3. Toddlers don’t nap in carriers. I’m lucky if he naps in a stroller. The car is a reasonable bed-alternative, but not much productivity on my part gets done then.
*sigh*
If you ever find yourself if Salt Lake City (in all its glory), come work at my house while I clean. That should work perfectly. 🙂
Rachel Cotterill
Monday, 19 April, 2010 at 7:48I want to come to Starbucks with you! (Except, in reality, I’d drink coffee at home because I don’t live near a Starbucks and our local coffee place doesn’t have wifi… but you get the idea…) That sounds like a great, really productive session. I always get so much out of real-life writing meets – usually involving evenings, wine, chocolate, and coffee… all good stuff.
Trece
Friday, 16 April, 2010 at 18:54I am so GLAD for you, Lauren!! I can tell how much you are thriving because of it. I hope tomorrow will find you at it again. Enjoy, sweetie!
Melissa
Friday, 16 April, 2010 at 17:39Not a runner, but I could volunteer to go on a baby stroll with you and Lil Mil and Baby A.
Rebecca @ Diary of a Virgin Novelist
Friday, 16 April, 2010 at 10:23You captured perfectly the essence of our study buddy date. It was about so much more than accountability and word count, it was about making a connection, feeling heard, and offering support. I didn’t go into it thinking that’s what would happen but it totally did!
It also got me thinking about how I felt like I knew you before – through this blog. But when we started chatting I realized there was so much about you I didn’t know (and it was great to get to know you better). I realized that what we all put out their on our blogs is just the surface really, and there are so many fascinating people out there…
Anyway, we must do it again!
laurenmmiller
Friday, 16 April, 2010 at 10:58Ditto!
Nilsa @ SoMi Speaks
Friday, 16 April, 2010 at 9:31Awwww, I heart Rebecca. Her last profession / current freelancing gig is in the same industry as I am … so, I kind of get her on that level. And I love the idea of *studying* together.
I don’t have a study buddy. But, I do have a training buddy. A girlfriend (whom I met through blogging!) and I are training for the same 10-mile race. Since this is her first race of this distance, I put together a training schedule for both of us. Each week, we check in to see how the other is feeling, how our longer runs went and so on. It’s fun for me and she has told me on more than one occasion how helpful it’s been for her.
laurenmmiller
Friday, 16 April, 2010 at 10:56I WANT A TRAINING BUDDY!
of course, that means i have to find something to train for. I am such a non-runner that a 5K is probably better (I do plenty of other cardio, but for some reason, I have always sucked at running. perhaps because I’ve never had the right running partner?? Anyone in LA want to volunteer for the job? Although, I guess it’d have to be someone with a jogging stroller, and they’d probably have to wait a couple more months til Lil Mil is old enough to ride in hers….
Rachel@MWF Seeking BFF
Friday, 16 April, 2010 at 8:52Oozing with jealousy. and questions. like, could you see each other the whole time? So you could tell that the other one was working? Weren’t you tempted to talk to each other during the 90 minutes? I think this would be great for me. This weekend I have a serious date with my computer, and I always feel like it’s easier to be productive when there’s someone next to me, Also at her computer. I generally work in my living room, but I wonder if a Starbucks would be effective.
Not to mention, of course, that I love the theme here of virtual friending. I’ve been learning much about it via blog and book. Can we make the virtualness seem face-to-face with ichat etc? Good stuff.
laurenmmiller
Friday, 16 April, 2010 at 10:55Okay, so we used Gchat so we couldn’t actually SEE each other… we could each see that we were online, though. iChat perhaps would’ve been better re the accountability thing, but the audio might be problematic at Starbucks. It was tempting to talk/chat more, but we both felt pressure to prove that it was a good (i.e., productive) idea to be virtual study buddies, so we tried to keep it to a minimum. I’m telling you, it was awesome! Want to try it???
Lindsey
Friday, 16 April, 2010 at 3:46This is great! Such a creative way to feel connected to someone who can really identify with what you are doing.
I find that my “study buddies” all feel sort of partial, mostly because I feel like I’m kind of in a variety of worlds but not entirely, if that makes sense. There aren’t many people that I have that “basically the same person” feeling with. And once I’ve found them, I grab onto them, because, as you know, those relationships create a powerful sense of solidarity.
laurenmmiller
Friday, 16 April, 2010 at 10:57If you ever want to schedule a study date, I’m available… we could even do it from our living rooms…