So I made a decision.

It wasn’t an easy one.

When I started this project, the goal was to complete my novel in 12 weeks.  The first 12 weeks of my baby’s life.  “The length of a standard maternity leave,” I said.

I liked this parallel.  Its symmetry.  I liked the prospect of accomplishing something big and lofty during what was supposed to be my “time off.” My time off would be time on, I declared. I embraced this idea with every ounce of my pre-baby being.  I plotted.  I planned.  I set goals and made rules.

I could do this.

I would do this.

I am doing this.

But things have come up.  Life has come up.  Parents have visited.  Sister has visited.  And next week, Husband, Lil Mil and I will take our first family trip.

Yes, these are excuses.  I am making excuses because I feel guilty about the decision I’ve made.

I’ve decided to quit.

If you believe that, you haven’t been paying attention.

No, I haven’t decided to quit.  I’m having too much fun to quit.  I have, however, decided to modify my goal.  Just a bit.  Just enough.  To give myself a little more margin.  To cut myself a little slack.

I’ve decided to let my 12-week challenge be a 100-day challenge instead.

In the end, I’m only adding 16 days.  A little over two weeks.  In the grand scheme of things, it’s nothing.  Not even worth mentioning, maybe.

So why does it feel like such a big deal?  Why do I feel like I’m wimping out?  (Could it be because I am?)

Okay, stop.  Time out.  This right here?  This glaring disconnect between what I feel like I should be capable of and what I actually think I can do?  This is motherhood.  For me.  This has been the essence of my experience thus far.

I think I can do X.  I try to do X.  I quickly discover that I can only do Y.  But I want to do X.  I keep trying to do X.  Yet I know I can only do Y.  I feel the need to make excuses for why I can’t do X.  I hate these excuses.  And yet.  I know I can only do Y.

It’s humbling.  And annoying.  And sorta … liberating.

So.  New Game Plan.  New schedule.  New goal.  100 days instead of 84.  14.3 weeks instead of 12.

Use the Game Plan Button on the righthand sidebar, or click HERE for the details.  Since I’m in a revising mode, I welcome your suggestions on how I could make my plan better (as long as you don’t tell me to abandon it completely).

For those of you who are into the nuts and bolts of this thing, check out my Month One Progress Report.  Yes, I am behind schedule.  But I will catch up.

I can do this.

I will do this.

I am doing this.

(Are you experiencing a disconnect between what you feel like you should be capable of and what you’re actually able to do?  Do you think I’m a wimp?   Are my excuses lame?  Speaking of excuses, check out “The Perils of Justifying Yourself” on Danielle LaPorte’s White Hot Truth.)