Taking The Scenic Route (Day #31)
So I made a decision.
It wasn’t an easy one.
When I started this project, the goal was to complete my novel in 12 weeks. The first 12 weeks of my baby’s life. “The length of a standard maternity leave,” I said.
I liked this parallel. Its symmetry. I liked the prospect of accomplishing something big and lofty during what was supposed to be my “time off.” My time off would be time on, I declared. I embraced this idea with every ounce of my pre-baby being. I plotted. I planned. I set goals and made rules.
I could do this.
I would do this.
I am doing this.
But things have come up. Life has come up. Parents have visited. Sister has visited. And next week, Husband, Lil Mil and I will take our first family trip.
Yes, these are excuses. I am making excuses because I feel guilty about the decision I’ve made.
I’ve decided to quit.
If you believe that, you haven’t been paying attention.
No, I haven’t decided to quit. I’m having too much fun to quit. I have, however, decided to modify my goal. Just a bit. Just enough. To give myself a little more margin. To cut myself a little slack.
I’ve decided to let my 12-week challenge be a 100-day challenge instead.
In the end, I’m only adding 16 days. A little over two weeks. In the grand scheme of things, it’s nothing. Not even worth mentioning, maybe.
So why does it feel like such a big deal? Why do I feel like I’m wimping out? (Could it be because I am?)
Okay, stop. Time out. This right here? This glaring disconnect between what I feel like I should be capable of and what I actually think I can do? This is motherhood. For me. This has been the essence of my experience thus far.
I think I can do X. I try to do X. I quickly discover that I can only do Y. But I want to do X. I keep trying to do X. Yet I know I can only do Y. I feel the need to make excuses for why I can’t do X. I hate these excuses. And yet. I know I can only do Y.
It’s humbling. And annoying. And sorta … liberating.
So. New Game Plan. New schedule. New goal. 100 days instead of 84. 14.3 weeks instead of 12.
Use the Game Plan Button on the righthand sidebar, or click HERE for the details. Since I’m in a revising mode, I welcome your suggestions on how I could make my plan better (as long as you don’t tell me to abandon it completely).
For those of you who are into the nuts and bolts of this thing, check out my Month One Progress Report. Yes, I am behind schedule. But I will catch up.
I can do this.
I will do this.
I am doing this.
(Are you experiencing a disconnect between what you feel like you should be capable of and what you’re actually able to do? Do you think I’m a wimp? Are my excuses lame? Speaking of excuses, check out “The Perils of Justifying Yourself” on Danielle LaPorte’s White Hot Truth.)
Charlotte
Thursday, 25 February, 2010 at 5:08Flexibility is essential for life. I always have to revisit my goals once I start so I keep reality in mind. If you keep stressing about not achieving “x”, you will miss how great an accomplishment “y” is.
Lori
Wednesday, 24 February, 2010 at 17:52You absolutely have to modify the plan. I still struggle with my ambitious undertakings, even after 5 years of motherhood, I still feel disconnected sometimes about what I want to be able to accomplish and what I actually can. Often I find that it takes me a bit longer to achieve them (and usually with a lot of modifications) but in the end, I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t set the bar high. And you wouldn’t be you without your goals and plans too. Lil’ Mil will benefit from it. A mommy not willing to settle. A mommy who continues to dream, to create, and to believe she can. And Lil’ Mil will learn that she can too because of all you do, even when you modify your plans, you are teaching her the balance of this great big journey of life. Keep up the amazing detour! Love reading the blog!
Carrie Miller
Wednesday, 24 February, 2010 at 15:15Good for you, Friend! Flexibility and the willingness to tweak and change plans/goals is one of the first things I learned as a Mommy. My latest “tweak” was admitting I needed help with the house! I feel like a failure in some ways, but a very lucky failure that my husband understands. I wanted 2010 to be my year of being a better “homemaker” and here we are in Month two and I am already admitting defeat. Tuesday is the first day I have a helper coming over for the first time in my married life and I am ashamed/excited! So, that to say, I TOTALLY get it. We can only do what we can do.
Rebecca @ Diary of a Virgin Novelist
Wednesday, 24 February, 2010 at 10:14We HAVE to be flexible. You know that. I’m glad you are willing to flex and find what works for you. I decided to ratchet up my writing efforts this past week…and I ended up writing zero. Sometimes we never know what life is going to throw our way.
Kelli
Wednesday, 24 February, 2010 at 10:12I think the revision is great! Being flexible in work, in motherhood and in life is SO important. Your novel will not be any less wonderful because you did it in 100 days instead of 84. 84 is a weird number anyway!! 🙂 So proud of you!!!!
Gale @ Ten Dollar Thoughts
Wednesday, 24 February, 2010 at 9:30Good for you Lauren. I’m so glad you’re giving yourself permission to embrace these moments of your maternity leave that will only come once – family visits, family trips, etc. Your novel will always wait for you. But Lil Mil will only be X days old for one day. And your sister will only be around for X days. If there’s anything I’ve learned in my 15 months of mothering it’s that the grown-up things will always wait. The memorable moments won’t. Enjoy the breathing room!
devon
Wednesday, 24 February, 2010 at 8:53i think what you have done so far is great! don’t feel bad for modifying your goal…motherhood is an adventure and often one that we have NO idea how its gonna go!
enjoy your first family trip!
Katie Sturm
Wednesday, 24 February, 2010 at 8:49You can only do what you can do, Lauren! And to attempt to keep repeating behaviour that leads to failure but expecting different results is insanity. 🙂 If you go here: http://www.vineyardchurches.org.uk/churches-placeholder/podcasts-nlc-seminars.html and listen to Patrick Dixon’s seminar on doubling the impact of your leadership, he says it much better than I ever could. Listen to it on a walk with Lil Mil, or on a quiet morning as an inspirational chat.
🙂