Clever Title… But What Does It Mean?

embrace (ĕm-brās’):  verb.  To take up especially readily or gladly.
detour (dē-tur): noun. A deviation from a direct course of action.

I always knew I wanted to be a mother.  But I was never certain I’d actually become one.  Motherhood was something I’d tucked away on the I’ll-deal-with-you-later shelf.  Not that I was ignoring my biological clock.  Husband and I had a plan!  Come 2010, we would talk about thinking about starting to try to maybe get pregnant.  Until then, we would do whatever it took not to.

Apparently, we weren’t so good at that.

So here I am, 39 weeks later, with a baby the size of a mini-watermelon in my belly.  Although I am happy and excited and anxious to meet the little person growing inside of me,  I can’t pretend that this is where I thought I’d be in January 2010.  This pregnancy, like many things in life, was an unexpected detour.  One that took some getting used to.

It didn’t happen instantaneously, but over time, this pregnancy – and the idea that I will soon become someone’s mom – grew on me.  I started to enjoy it.  To relish it.

And yet.

Beneath all the happiness and excitement, there is a lingering unease.  Okay, a full-blown fear.  Not of motherhood itself.  But that its many demands will bleed me dry.  That Life with a Newborn will zap my creativity and passion and motivation.  That motherhood will take me wildly off course and that I won’t be able to find my way back. That being the mother I want to be will require me to leave other parts of myself behind. That I’ll wake up one day and wonder what happened to the me I spent so many years trying to find.

Out of those fears came the idea for Embrace the Detour.  An experiment of sorts.  A preventative measure.  An attempt to make what I’ve been told will be one of the most challenging periods of my life into one of the most creative and productive.

During the first 12 weeks of my baby’s life (okay, it’s really 13, but 12 sounds neater), I’m going to do exactly what I would have done had I not ended up on this detour.  I’m going to write – and finish – my novel.  Sure, Life with a Newborn is going to be new and scary and hard.  But so what?  Instead of taking time off, or putting my aspirations on hold, I’m going to escalate my progress.  Intensify my effort.  Use the detour as an impetus for doing instead of an excuse for waiting.

I have no idea if I have what it takes to do this.  But I am determined to try.

The goal is to complete my novel, PARALLEL, in 107 days (100 days + a “Bonus Week” in early March).  The clock will start ticking the Monday after Lil Mil is born.

First baby, first book, first blog.  This outta be fun.  :)